Prentending

April is kind, pretty, and relatively normal - yet she can't seem to get past date five. Every time she thinks she's found someone to trust, they reveal themselves to be awful, leaving her heartbroken. And angry.

If only April could be more like Gretel.

Gretel is exactly what men want - she's a Regular Everyday Manic Pixie Dream Girl Next Door With No Problems.

The problem is, Gretel isn't real. And April is now claiming to be her.

As soon as April starts 'being' Gretel, dating becomes much more fun - especially once she reels in the unsuspecting Joshua.

Finally, April is the one in control, but can she control her own feelings? And as she and Joshua grow closer, how long will she be able to keep pretending? {goodreads summary}

April is messy and imperfect and real, so heartbreakingly, relatably real. She feels broken inside and doesn't know how to fix herself - doesn't know that she can fix herself. So she decides she needs to fake it until someone else believes she's fixed and she can obtain the relationship she believes her life needs. 

Because I'd already read (and loved) How Do You Like Me Now?, I wasn't sure how Pretending would end, but I knew it would feel honest and true to the characters. I was sure we would see April grow and end up happier than she started - and that her growth and happiness would be down to her as an individual, rather than because a romantic relationship had magically fixed everything for her. Bourne's ending did not disappoint. 

I think my favourite moments in Pretending were linked to April's job as a charity worker. She had such an interesting but intense role that helped so many people with very limited resources. Pretending doesn't hold back in its exploration of trauma, and the varying and long lasting effects it can have. It makes for difficult reading in places, but necessarily so. If you have experienced sexual abuse in any form, this novel will help you feel seen. If you haven't, it will force you to reconsider the way you react to trauma and triggering situations, more aware of the effect your words and actions could have on others. April's brilliant boxing group, and the group chats which emerge from it, create some of this novel's most special scenes. 

Bourne writes for the modern reader, perfectly encapsulating what it feels like to be a woman in the 21st century. I can imagine Pretending being read in decades time as an insight into how we live and love now.